Depending on who you talk to, their experiences as an individual and the general course of their life, typically makes them fall into one of two strong beliefs about this topic; relying on others.
Belief 1:
If you have negative feelings about other people, relationships, family, or friends, because somewhere in your life you've been given reason to (divorce, breakup, family member screws you over), then you're probably a hard no on incorporating others into your reliance structure.
If you're insecure about your status in society, or what people think of your capabilities, then you're probably a no as well, seeking to "do it yourself, without anyone's help."
Belief 2:
If you've been taught to prioritize yourself and your career first, and that people are tools to help you achieve your goals, that networking creates allies, and that everyone you meet or rely on owes you a favor, then you probably fall into the hard yes side.
To put it categorically, I think a good portion of people fall into one of two camps: either they see relying on people as an asset or a liability.
If they see it as an asset (yes) then they see the "balance sheet value" of humans. In other words, they think that having more humans on their balance sheet as assets is a good thing. But they believe that people and relationships are items they own. Items they acquire and use for their position.
If they see relying on people as a liability (no) then people are basically debt. And most of us are risk averse. So we reject having too much of it. If they exercise reliance, then it's risky.
This is obviously black and white, and many people probably exist comfortably in the grey zone. But often times, when we seek to understand the world and postulate solutions, we exercise a bit of generality. So for the sake of this conversation, we'll place people into these two categories.
But let's talk about that grey zone. If we have assets and we have liabilities then we also have an alternative. Obviously this is inspired by my background as a Finance major. We have Equity.
Assets = Liabilities + Equity
I choose to see people, incorporating them into my life and coming to rely on them, as equity, not as an asset or a liability. Voluntarily giving them ownership of a piece of my life. We are joint owners in me. And it is my choice. I do not owe them anything, nor do I have control of them. I willingly choose to allow them to bring me value, as I bring value to them. And just like anything, there exists a comfortable balance between too much and too little. Too many equity owners and the percentage share of ownership of you that you keep, is too low. Too few equity owners and you've got no support, no partners in your endeavors.
I wasn't always this way. Life gives you many reasons to fluctuate to one of the extremes. Breakups, betrayals, failures - they can push you into one of the two camps. But I've found real friends who embody what it means to be fellow equity owners invested in my life. I've had real girl-friends, who exercise genuine concern, and bring pure value to my life. I have family members who prosper when I prosper, and hurt when I hurt. They're all my equity. And as the metaphorical share price of my life rises, it will be through our joint effort, and it will be for our joint benefit. And that is the real value of having people in your life in this way. So rely on people. Incorporate them into your life. Not too many and not too few. Do not seek to own them, or use them for your benefit. Do not take advantage of them. But also do not see them as a weakness. Don't treat their support as if it comes with strings attached. Choose your herd carefully. And see them as invested owners in your life. Reciprocate this ownership. And this symbiotic relationship will undoubtedly lead to the most purity and happiness.
Belief 1:
If you have negative feelings about other people, relationships, family, or friends, because somewhere in your life you've been given reason to (divorce, breakup, family member screws you over), then you're probably a hard no on incorporating others into your reliance structure.
If you're insecure about your status in society, or what people think of your capabilities, then you're probably a no as well, seeking to "do it yourself, without anyone's help."
Belief 2:
If you've been taught to prioritize yourself and your career first, and that people are tools to help you achieve your goals, that networking creates allies, and that everyone you meet or rely on owes you a favor, then you probably fall into the hard yes side.
To put it categorically, I think a good portion of people fall into one of two camps: either they see relying on people as an asset or a liability.
If they see it as an asset (yes) then they see the "balance sheet value" of humans. In other words, they think that having more humans on their balance sheet as assets is a good thing. But they believe that people and relationships are items they own. Items they acquire and use for their position.
If they see relying on people as a liability (no) then people are basically debt. And most of us are risk averse. So we reject having too much of it. If they exercise reliance, then it's risky.
This is obviously black and white, and many people probably exist comfortably in the grey zone. But often times, when we seek to understand the world and postulate solutions, we exercise a bit of generality. So for the sake of this conversation, we'll place people into these two categories.
But let's talk about that grey zone. If we have assets and we have liabilities then we also have an alternative. Obviously this is inspired by my background as a Finance major. We have Equity.
Assets = Liabilities + Equity
I choose to see people, incorporating them into my life and coming to rely on them, as equity, not as an asset or a liability. Voluntarily giving them ownership of a piece of my life. We are joint owners in me. And it is my choice. I do not owe them anything, nor do I have control of them. I willingly choose to allow them to bring me value, as I bring value to them. And just like anything, there exists a comfortable balance between too much and too little. Too many equity owners and the percentage share of ownership of you that you keep, is too low. Too few equity owners and you've got no support, no partners in your endeavors.
I wasn't always this way. Life gives you many reasons to fluctuate to one of the extremes. Breakups, betrayals, failures - they can push you into one of the two camps. But I've found real friends who embody what it means to be fellow equity owners invested in my life. I've had real girl-friends, who exercise genuine concern, and bring pure value to my life. I have family members who prosper when I prosper, and hurt when I hurt. They're all my equity. And as the metaphorical share price of my life rises, it will be through our joint effort, and it will be for our joint benefit. And that is the real value of having people in your life in this way. So rely on people. Incorporate them into your life. Not too many and not too few. Do not seek to own them, or use them for your benefit. Do not take advantage of them. But also do not see them as a weakness. Don't treat their support as if it comes with strings attached. Choose your herd carefully. And see them as invested owners in your life. Reciprocate this ownership. And this symbiotic relationship will undoubtedly lead to the most purity and happiness.
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