Everything Under the Sun

This year's rendition of a yearly reflection will mark 3 years of writing to the past year. 3 years of writing in this collective forum. I've written in times of hardship and in times of joy. I've written after intense experiences and in moments of nostalgia. I've written about topics I'm interested in and curious about. I've written poems, stories, and reflections. I've written to years, to people, to myself, and to the ether. And this year there's plenty of material.  At the end of last year I wrote in my reflection to 2019 that 2020 would be "interesting, surprising, predictable, exciting, and humbling as well, yet so different and new." That is has been. I'm sure there will be endless blog posts and articles written about the psychological implications of 2020, from people who've experienced the worst of it and from others who seek a pity party. But thus is life. There are tough individuals and there are not-so-tough individuals. My...

One of the topics of discussion I've frequented this year and in the last few years has been, "How do we get what we want out of social situations?". Generally speaking, this has come up as it pertains to women but it can also be about meeting high status individuals who may help your journey to success. On the women topic, I, along with most of my friends, have found ourselves frustrated by the current social environment and our inability to meet, attract and retain high quality women. Dating apps seem like a numbers problem, far too many men participating and far too females. The bar scene doesn't cut it. Turns out when you involve alcohol, the outcomes get messy and disproportionately fail. Access has become a valuable commodity. But three problems persist here; one, men and women are far more stingy when it comes to sharing their friends, so much so that the activation energy needed to set up a blind date or first encounter is rarely achieved. Second, as time pass...

Sometime in late October 2019 while I was living in Washington, I had an experience that I look back on now as a microcosm of the last decade of my life. I picked this story today to think about because of an experience I had last night that's reminded me that my psyche is heavily influenced by my past experiences. I believe it's important to address your present psyche through a lens which considers how that psyche was formed, how the intricacies of thought, behavior and emotion in the now, are affected by your past. Because it's not an accident. And perhaps understanding it can aid in the resolution or overcoming of a nagging issue.  When I moved out to Seattle in August 2019 I began experiencing heart palpitations. My heart would skip beats and become irregular. It caused me obvious physical discomfort. But the most sinister aspect was the psychological discomfort that accompanied it. You know when your leg cramps or your eye lid spasms you can pretty much brush it off a...

I chose to title this post 'on sexual intimacy' and not 'on intimacy' because my thoughts are more focused on the sexual aspect of intimacy and not just on intimacy itself. But to be comprehensive about the broader topic of intimacy, I'll briefly lay out my thoughts on it as a prequel to the more nuanced dissemination of how I think and feel about sexual intimacy.  As with everything, I seek to understand my life and the world around me by breaking it down to its parts. Then I create structures of understanding, detailed out into phases and steps so I can track my position in the structure. Then I use the new found structure to establish a formula of action which is based on my thoughts and values and experiences. On this note, the precursor to intimacy is familiarity. Once familiarity is established with someone new, intimacy can began to be developed. Intimacy in my mind is an overarching concept that describes closeness between two people. There are three compone...

Recently I started writing a very introspective and lengthy piece of work that may one day develop into a book. This requires serious introspection and self-reflection. What is the difference between those two things?  Self-Reflection "is meditation or serious thought about one's character, actions, and motives." Introspection "is the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes." So, what is the chicken and what is the egg? Can you self-reflect without introspecting? Can you be introspective without self-reflecting? One is about character, action and motive, the other is about mental and emotional processes.  You must have mental and emotional faculties in order to have motive. The motives create a series of potential actions. And your decided-upon actions create your character. The sequence must then be; your mind negotiates with your emotions, regulating the degree to which they influence your motives. Then your motives drive y...

Polymath : " a person of wide-ranging knowledge or learning." Why is it that so many people like Joe Rogan? He's a stand-up comedian, an MMA commentator (and very knowledgeable about the sport), he's a podcast host, a fitness enthusiast, a well-read individual, a bow-hunter, and an aficionado of recreational drugs. He's a polymath. He's also not alone. Many other individuals in his circle (sometimes referred to as the Intellectual Dark Web) are this way as well. Jordan Peterson, Sam Harris, Eric Weinstein, Ben Shapiro, and others can sit in a room and discuss complex topics ranging from psychology to physics to economics in great depth and with clear understanding. It doesn't matter which subjects you choose, but to be a Polymath is to have understanding, comprehension and articulation of a vast array of subjects.  Some of our most revered figures in history were polymaths. Leonardo Davinci was an inventor, scientist, artist and philosopher. Thomas Jeffers...

 I recently reconnected with a friend from college that I haven't spoken to in over a year. She asked me what new hobbies or skills I'd taken on during the Covid Pandemic and subsequent lockdown. As a sidebar, what a great question. Flattering as well, as she would consider me to be someone looking for self improvement and new skills. I informed her that I'd become a runner, doing hundreds of miles in the last 6 months. I told her that I'd found great relief and relaxation from it - really the progress of it. Growing up I'd always liked the start of things and the process of seeing results - watching something grow and develop at my will and by my own effort. Running is that same manifestation for me.  When I run I meditate. It's as if I'm in a room, and the lights are off, and my eyes are closed. The projections of the road and my surroundings flash on the wall in front of me but my eyes are closed so all I can feel is that things are changing, I'm devo...

Sit still there is no change Tomorrow looks the same Thoughts insane, actions tame Determination must remain How long have I been asleep? Dreams confused with reality The vivid reveries my totality Wake up already, accept the finality My mind, resting so far away Shape up! You have an 8 hour day Besides, next week you have that thing You're right, time will keep counting Mirror mirror, who's looking back? Dark eyes, 50 shades of black Wrong, the lights are off! Turn them on and embrace this fact Time is one directional, you know that You have to move forward, to find solace I've always been here Who, me? Yes, we beat it back in '13 Eyes cracked, regaining clarity Greet me at the door Becoming unified once more Feet forward, eyes low, we'll wage war Use the adversity to mature 

As far as the eye can see, a pillow of white What it must be like to be a bird in flight Up here the gods rest and observe 30,000 feet, I doze off as attendants serve 6 cities in 6 months, my life has just begun What I have seen, learned, and done One thing remains, feelings stay the same No matter the place, no matter the name Real bonds can't be broken by distance And memories aren't forgot with wishes The thoughts of our brains defined Indefinitely we wander our mind I reflect on the past for answers And ask the future for direction But despite my best efforts of searching Only the present can give us protection Protection from the unknown As each day brings anew And protection from the known As each day comes to an end too

What do you see, when you see me? Do you see the mountains or the seas? Can you see the forest for the trees? Do you see a man of humility, Or do you see the folly of my being? When you see me do you see tranquillity, Or do you see the monster inside of me? When you see me, do you see me clearly? Do you see me so dearly with familiarity, Or am I a threat to your posterity? To be or not to be, don't you see? I'm saying this with the utmost sincerity, Can you not see, what I see with such clarity? As time runs out I wonder what to be The next time you see me I'll be me, Not lost in my dreams, but a man of means.

I've still got miles to left to go on this road  Years spent alone, these hotels are no home But I've had plenty of time to hone In on the things that drove me to this cove Wish you could resuscitate me, I'm cold Felt like an eternity in that land of snow Thought I was over her but my dreams said no Let me sleep, give me the space you asked for I see the red of blood again, my insides are sore Battered and bruised, scarred but that I chose  And I recall the nights when you hugged me close Your warm body on mine, when I returned at four  From the bathroom floor, why can't I let this go Why can't I let her go, when she asked to be no more She didn't ask, what did I say that for She left without a word, she feels no remorse Another man was lurking around the corner  Little he knows, but he'll feel it to the core On that day, when he realizes the curse Ghosts of her past, become demons on first And then they run, to second base and then third ...

Who do I want to be, A man of West or East, Or maybe a traveler of the seas, Does the north suit me, Or is it not a question of geography? My vision is blurry. What if it's a question of time, Is there enough of it to decide? That clock's perpetual chime, Is life passing me by? Like a roller-coaster ride, The longest part is the line. If life is short and sweet, Why then aren't we, As decisive as the analogy? We dwell on the impossibility, Of having everything come free, Free of sacrificed opportunity. A fundamental debate, Between me and me. If all's well that ends well, And all good things come to an end, Then are all ends good?   Or is a bird in the hand, Worth two in the bush? Adversity and loss make a man wise, and a stitch in time saves nine. These proverbs guide, But they do not provide, Answers to the questions That come with life. The answers come in time, No rhythm or rhyme, Experiences mold our mind, And our mind ages like fi...

In the transition period of my early twenties I've been thinking a lot about being content, satisfied, motivated, and risk taking. What I've arrived at is a matrix to help me organize my thoughts and emotions into one of four mindsets. Being type A, this is me creating a way of thinking about thinking. I kept asking myself questions about my long term goals, my ambitions, my desire to live a balanced life and sacrifices in the short term. I asked myself what my realistic propensity for risk taking was. What I'd be willing to give up, and what I'd be giving it up for. I may not be able to answer those questions but this matrix helps me evaluate my headspace at any given time. Am I satisfied or unsatisfied? Am I motivated or unmotivated. I don't want to be unsatisfied and unmotivated. The optimal combination to me will always be striving to achieve satisfaction and motivation. But if I become unsatisfied, I should remain motivated. Under no circumstances should...

Being with my friends this weekend, having the time of my life in an incredible place with sincere people, having experiences I’ve never had and may never have again, brought to the surface things I thought I’d conquered. Like seeing an ex girlfriend whom you thought you were over and then realize you’re not. And you wonder if you were ever over her or if you just forgot. And then you wonder if you’ll ever get over her or you’ll just forget. And then you wonder if you ever actually get over anything or if you just forget. Thoughts like being alone for extended periods of time for the sake of your career. Or thoughts like where you wanted to live. Thoughts on sacrificing social life for self improvement. Thoughts like how much time had passed since you lived in that 3 bedroom apartment in Gainesville with your two best friends. Or how long it’d been since you experienced true love from a companion. Thoughts on how long it might be until you see them again or experience that again. ...