On Introspection

Recently I started writing a very introspective and lengthy piece of work that may one day develop into a book. This requires serious introspection and self-reflection. What is the difference between those two things? 

Self-Reflection "is meditation or serious thought about one's character, actions, and motives."

Introspection "is the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes."

So, what is the chicken and what is the egg? Can you self-reflect without introspecting? Can you be introspective without self-reflecting? One is about character, action and motive, the other is about mental and emotional processes. 

You must have mental and emotional faculties in order to have motive. The motives create a series of potential actions. And your decided-upon actions create your character. The sequence must then be; your mind negotiates with your emotions, regulating the degree to which they influence your motives. Then your motives drive your actions. Your actions over time create an external character, which through self-reflection, can be compared to your internal version of who you think you are. So, you can be self-reflective, but it'll only tell half the story. You must become introspective in order to understand yourself at the deepest level. And in that order.

I've been trying to be introspective. Going back to this book idea, I find it easy to remember my life, for a variety of reasons. I can remember dates and times and events. Then it gets a bit harder, but I find it enjoyable to be self-reflective on those dates and times and events, analyzing my behavior and my motives. But the real task comes when I try to be introspective - go that third layer deeper; remember, reflect, introspect. To try and critically analyze my mental and emotional processes for actions that I took when I was 15 is a difficult task. But it's rewarding. I understand myself better when I do it. And you might say, wait, if you are yourself, how could you not understand yourself? Simple, you are yourself and you are also not yourself. In physics this is called superposition; Superposition "is the ability of a quantum system to be in multiple states at the same time until it is measured." Just like the quantum states of energy that comprise the forces manipulating our atoms exist in multiple states, our consciousness substructure and our organic structure are comparable. 

Another simple thought experiment is one that we did in my junior year biology class. Someone asked rhetorically one day, why do we have to learn about the parts of the brain. If the brain can think, shouldn't it already know its own parts? That raises a really interesting question, can your brain think? Or maybe the better question is, does your brain think? Who's thinking? What is who? Are you the subject whom you're referring to when you say, 'who is thinking?' or are you referring to your brain? This simple flurry of under-determined ponderings essentially provides case-in-point for the argument that you are not your brain. Not precisely at least. Your thoughts don't come from your brain, not exactly. They come from you.   

Diversion aside, I'm trying to write the story of my life. The motives don't really matter (or do they, if I'm being self-reflective...), but I'm learning a lot. And in doing so, I'm honing in on my skills of self-reflection and introspection. But particularly introspection. I start by a stream of consciousness, writing down what I'm thinking. Then ever so often, I stop to think, about what I'm writing, and I go layer by layer until I've achieved serious introspection, and I put that on paper. That exercise has been interesting. I recommend it. But take some breaks. It doesn't all have to be done at once (talking to myself here).

There's a great line in Peaky Blinders, Tommy Shelby is having a clear breakdown, drowning in anxiety over a multi-day period, and one of his maids walks in. She tells him he needs to seek help. He calmly collects himself and after a long pause says, "it's okay Frances, I know what this is, it's just myself talking to myself about myself." In what seems like a convoluted, Captain Jack Sparrow esque line, arises an incredibly profound realization, that's exactly what anxiety is. Believe me, I'm intimately familiar with it. But it's what you must avoid in becoming introspective. There is a fine line between examination or observation as the definition states, and over-examination. The former leads to a more materialized consciousness and the latter spins consciousness like a Throbber, that's the name for the symbol that a computer shows when it's frozen. And no one wants to have a mental throbber.

So, here's to being introspective - just introspective enough that is.