I do not believe my life to be exceptional or abnormal. Conscious life itself is incomprehensibly rare. In this way, any life led is abnormal and any path taken, exceptional. I do believe that which has separated me the most, given me the slightest fraction of divergence from my peers, are the following behaviors and characteristics: my tendency to be hyper-reflective, even to a fault, hyper-introspective, even given the consequences, and prolific with the recording of memories and thoughts in written form, during extensive durations of experience and maturity.
I recently stumbled across the written correspondence of Vincent Van Gogh and his younger brother Theo Van Gogh, which is well preserved apparently. I read numerous letters that Vincent wrote to Theo from the years 1880 to 1883. Ever since I first saw an exhibit of his work at the Biltmore in 2020, I've had a certain fascination with Van Gogh, particularly by the way his work became increasingly dark and disillusioned as his mental health declined over the course of his life. In reading the correspondence to his brother, which would have been intimate and honest, I feel a particular empathy and relatability to the busyness of his mind, which clearly caused him angst and separation from society and loved ones. He was brilliant and it was that brilliance which was both the cause of his legacy and his demise. Dostoevsky summarized this phenomenon in Crime and Punishment, "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men mus...
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