In the chaos of my life I find stillness in my mind. As my diaphragm violently expels the CO2 from my lungs I find a solace so deep, so instantiated in a circuitry as old as the oak trees in my periphery, that I wonder if I will return. In the coming 9 minutes I am to be reminded of my mortality. I grasp at life itself, fighting for each step, battling for each breath. My body, powerful and durable, an unfathomably intelligent machine birthed by supernova and forged by 100 million years of survival, responds to the imaginings occupying my subconscious - a dozen men, hands reaching towards me. They want my job. They want my girl. They want my friends, my possessions, my wealth. They want my family. They want my life. Chills run down my back, meeting the serratus and oblique muscles straining to support my legs. I curse the elevation in front of me. No matter how hard I train, how viscerally I feel the enemy in my mind, no matter the years of effort, contemplation, and focus, this fucking mountain laughs at me. I believe to my deepest core, that this is a noble pursuit - the relentless journey towards strength and capability, and away from weakness. Years on this journey have revealed one thing to me, clearer than anything I've ever known. There is no switch to flip. No life hack to implement. There's no instruction manual or textbook. No easy way out. No shortcut. In this life there are simply 1's and 0's. Every instance I choose 1, I choose to move further down the path to inner-peace, salvation and prosperity. Life is binary. Life is choice. Choose 1.
When I was a child I can remember wishing I was older. It would seem, through the litany of anecdotal evidence, that this is an innate aspect of youth and naivety - yearning for and pedestaling the days when you can drive, then when you can drink, then when you have your own place. And then, such is life, it all happens. And like the cliché goes, you long for the days when you were young - when responsibility was absent, when the hours were simpler, and even perhaps when you knew less. Ignorance really was bliss, and it marked the days of youth. The profundity of this pendulum mindscape is of great interest to me. Frankly it's odd and worth thinking about. It would seem it serves no purpose biologically. Our dopamine systems are predicated on forward progress, yet, for most of us, at some point, we desire the past, which would appear to be the antithesis of progression. I've understood at least part of this in the last few years. We don't always want what we can't yet h...
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