Skip to main content

Who are you? Who am I? | Week 48

December | Meaning of Life | Week 48 | 12/3/2023
What is the meaning of life? Part 1 

Of all the questions one might ask themselves most intently and with the deepest sincerity, there is none more sobering than "What is the meaning of life?" This is indeed a beautiful and complicated question. 'Life' can be interpreted as the collective noun or the singular. It can refer to one's own life, or to the conscious experience of life on aggregate. It can reference the purpose of one's own existence or the reason for existence at all. Meaning can be applied to the subjective feeling one gets from an experience or the objective purpose of one's life. These 6 words, punctuated with a question mark, have occupied the minds of billions since the very first mind could be captivated by a question. I feel there is no better way to conclude this introspective journey that I've embarked on over the past year, than to ask myself the deepest, most elusive, most profound question of all. It is now, and will remain a goal of my life, to add to the generations of philosophical pontification, to add a stich to the golden thread of history, by contributing and perhaps even progressing, the perennial search for wisdom that our species so valiantly and reluctantly betrothed many millennia ago. As I sit with the soothing piano sounds of Ludovico Einaudi in my ears I fear the abdication of that responsibility, and therefore am inspired to record my thoughts clearly and concisely, so that I may return to this essay in many decades with affection and admiration. 

My mind is pulled in many directions simultaneously when I query my soul for the answer to this difficult question. Not only, what is the answer, but what do I truly believe? How do I act in reference to this question? Do I treat my life as though it has a singular meaning? Do I behave as if other's lives have meaning? Does that meaning extend to the species or is it specific to me? Is 'life' an accident or a divine gift? Do accidents have meaning if they're not directed towards an end? Gifts are given because they have meaning from the sender, but the subjectivity of the recipient can nullify the meaning adorned by the gift giver. Am I even capable of being objective in answering the question? Or is my subjectivity the injection of value which gives this question credence to be asked. My mind races, and I ask for wisdom. From my mentors in the East, I'm reminded of the Zen Buddhism terms Satori and Kensho - the 'deep comprehension' and understanding of reality that can and will arise from Zen stillness and the 'observation of nature'. From my mentors in the West, Psalm 46:10 and Matthew 7:7 - "Be still and know that I am God. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." So, I engage patience and stillness, riding the proverbial waves of thought which arise, not fighting them, waiting for a pattern to emerge, for a clarity of direction, for truth. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

26 Years

When I was a child I can remember wishing I was older. It would seem, through the litany of anecdotal evidence, that this is an innate aspect of youth and naivety - yearning for and pedestaling the days when you can drive, then when you can drink, then when you have your own place. And then, such is life, it all happens. And like the cliché goes, you long for the days when you were young - when responsibility was absent, when the hours were simpler, and even perhaps when you knew less. Ignorance really was bliss, and it marked the days of youth. The profundity of this pendulum mindscape is of great interest to me. Frankly it's odd and worth thinking about. It would seem it serves no purpose biologically. Our dopamine systems are predicated on forward progress, yet, for most of us, at some point, we desire the past, which would appear to be the antithesis of progression. I've understood at least part of this in the last few years. We don't always want what we can't yet h...
Post a Comment
Read more

To 2025

I recently stumbled across the written correspondence of Vincent Van Gogh and his younger brother Theo Van Gogh, which is well preserved apparently. I read numerous letters that Vincent wrote to Theo from the years 1880 to 1883. Ever since I first saw an exhibit of his work at the Biltmore in 2020, I've had a certain fascination with Van Gogh, particularly by the way his work became increasingly dark and disillusioned as his mental health declined over the course of his life. In reading the correspondence to his brother, which would have been intimate and honest, I feel a particular empathy and relatability to the busyness of his mind, which clearly caused him angst and separation from society and loved ones. He was brilliant and it was that brilliance which was both the cause of his legacy and his demise. Dostoevsky summarized this phenomenon in Crime and Punishment, "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men mus...
Post a Comment
Read more

30 Years

Today is my 30th birthday. People have been asking me how does it feel to be 30? For young people, that's old. For old people, that's young. So which is it? And how should I feel to be 30? Like with most things, life is a mixed bag. And I feel the passage of time in a myriad of ways.  Physically, the years have indeed taken their toll. I have a tear in my right shoulder, an injury to my left peck, a partially torn quad. I have a cancer wound on my forehead, six scars on my abdomen, and some arthritic joints. These are the results of a life of intense exercise and unrelenting chronic illness. And yet, I set a personal record in a 10k race just two weeks ago and surpassed multiple strength goals this last year.  Mentally, I feel the growing exhaustion from 8 years of advanced programs in high school and college, and another 8 years working tirelessly in my career. In the evenings, my mind is fatigued. And yet, I am performing the best I ever have in many aspects of my life. I ca...
Post a Comment
Read more