Same question. Never the same answer. Until it is.
I always envied people around me growing up who had a singular interest; a hard answer. You find though, as you grow up, that the majority of people see this for the lofty question it really is. As a child, you're taught in terms of black and white. Light is just color, ROYGBIV. Well actually, light is carried by a photon which is a particle. But the particle has wave like tendencies, so it technically does act like color on the photoelectric spectrum. An atom is protons, neutrons, and electrons. Well actually there's quarks and leptons and bosons and it's vastly more complicated than we ever learned. As we get older we're taught to see the grey areas. Our history isn't as clean and polished as we once believed. Our gender, identities, sexuality, and mere existence are all subject to interpretation. But the same illusory question is asked. What do you want to be when you grow up?? Just answer it! Give me a straight answer! A job title! It's so easy!
This question, the answer, they're the most grey of all. For starters, does my job title define "what" I want to be when I grow up? What if I want to be a son, a father, a brother, a friend, a coach, and a neighbor? What if I want to also be happy, fit, informed, and well traveled? And what if I'd like to be the first person without a large intestine to climb the 5 highest peaks in North America? None are my job. All are "what" I am. The better question, "who do you want to be when you grow up?" Now that would provoke some thought.
The monologue above is the brief version of the inner dialogue that's taken place in my mind for 4 years. I've found, through years of contemplation, there's a few parameters to analyze about yourself and your dreams that help define who and what you want to be when you grow up. It boils down to values.
The first, what's the end goal. Work backwards. Loosely defined, do you seek family time, do you seek money, do you seek fame? All of the above? Only B and C? A cabin in the woods? A house on the beach? A condo in Florence? There's no real way of knowing exactly what we want in the end, but as we age and mature, these end goals start to creep into our subconscious and begin to help define our journey.
The second, what's your propensity for spending. Are you a minimalist? Do you need the latest gadgets and clothes? There is no right or wrong answer, but it's something you must be very honest with yourself about, because unfortunately, or fortunately, whatever your ideals, money does come up. In fact, it's the number one reason for divorce. So, it's probably an important thing to figure out as soon as you can.
The third, what are your ideas about life. Do you work to live or live to work? What is it that makes you tick, or what is it that motivates you. Do you have a desire to help a certain cause? To advance society forward technologically? To build houses for the poor? To teach the youth of the world? To make enough money to see the countries you've always wanted to visit? The stability and happiness to crack a beer and watch football on a Sunday? The free time to pursue your personal ambitions? What is it that really drives your reasons for doing what you do? Again, a difficult ask, but a parameter nonetheless. It will give you structure for your life, and it will guide you in the direction most suitable for you to achieve that goal or see the realization of your vision.
The fourth, how much are you willing to sacrifice. This is important, because sacrifices come in many forms. You can sacrifice free time. Family time. Your health. Your fitness. Your financial stability. Every time you do something, you sacrifice the time and energy you could be devoting to doing something else. So every choice, every decision, and every pursuit has an opportunity cost. (Throwback to economics class) This is a valuable lesson and for someone with serious FOMO, it can be destructive. But utilized correctly, it can be the ultimate decider of how you spend your time, with who, and doing what. Do you want to work 80 hours a week or 40? Do you want to live near family or far away? At the beach or in the mountains? Do you mind giving up one or all of these things for a few years? A decade? What are you willing to sacrifice to fulfill your desires.
The final parameter; what are your priorities. This sounds like a compilation of the previous four, because it is. But we've arrived at a completed circle. You've defined an end goal, fleshed out the in between, and now you must settle on your priorities. These will be the driving force for how you choose to begin a career, what you choose to do throughout your professional and personal life, and how you choose to complete your own cycle. Priorities are a balancing act. For example, your social life may be really popping and the time you've been spending with friends is great, but you don't feel like you've seen your mom enough, or put in enough effort into other hobbies and maybe into work.
So you readjust. You correct the imbalance and continue on. But the prerequisite is having these priorities ironed out and solid.
When I reflect on the past 4 years and how I've come to realize my own goals and my own direction, this was the path I took. These were the parameters I followed. It may sound strange, to pick what you want to be by thinking about who you are and who you want to be, but the truth is, the two are the same. They're interchangeable. What you do day to day has a lot to do with where you work, but it has everything to do with your mindset. At the end of your life, you're not going to say "man I wished I had worked more," you'd probably say, man, I wished I'd spent more time doing ___. This should be the focus from the very start. Identifying this ___ and making it the focus of your professional and personal life.
I always envied people around me growing up who had a singular interest; a hard answer. You find though, as you grow up, that the majority of people see this for the lofty question it really is. As a child, you're taught in terms of black and white. Light is just color, ROYGBIV. Well actually, light is carried by a photon which is a particle. But the particle has wave like tendencies, so it technically does act like color on the photoelectric spectrum. An atom is protons, neutrons, and electrons. Well actually there's quarks and leptons and bosons and it's vastly more complicated than we ever learned. As we get older we're taught to see the grey areas. Our history isn't as clean and polished as we once believed. Our gender, identities, sexuality, and mere existence are all subject to interpretation. But the same illusory question is asked. What do you want to be when you grow up?? Just answer it! Give me a straight answer! A job title! It's so easy!
This question, the answer, they're the most grey of all. For starters, does my job title define "what" I want to be when I grow up? What if I want to be a son, a father, a brother, a friend, a coach, and a neighbor? What if I want to also be happy, fit, informed, and well traveled? And what if I'd like to be the first person without a large intestine to climb the 5 highest peaks in North America? None are my job. All are "what" I am. The better question, "who do you want to be when you grow up?" Now that would provoke some thought.
The monologue above is the brief version of the inner dialogue that's taken place in my mind for 4 years. I've found, through years of contemplation, there's a few parameters to analyze about yourself and your dreams that help define who and what you want to be when you grow up. It boils down to values.
The first, what's the end goal. Work backwards. Loosely defined, do you seek family time, do you seek money, do you seek fame? All of the above? Only B and C? A cabin in the woods? A house on the beach? A condo in Florence? There's no real way of knowing exactly what we want in the end, but as we age and mature, these end goals start to creep into our subconscious and begin to help define our journey.
The second, what's your propensity for spending. Are you a minimalist? Do you need the latest gadgets and clothes? There is no right or wrong answer, but it's something you must be very honest with yourself about, because unfortunately, or fortunately, whatever your ideals, money does come up. In fact, it's the number one reason for divorce. So, it's probably an important thing to figure out as soon as you can.
The third, what are your ideas about life. Do you work to live or live to work? What is it that makes you tick, or what is it that motivates you. Do you have a desire to help a certain cause? To advance society forward technologically? To build houses for the poor? To teach the youth of the world? To make enough money to see the countries you've always wanted to visit? The stability and happiness to crack a beer and watch football on a Sunday? The free time to pursue your personal ambitions? What is it that really drives your reasons for doing what you do? Again, a difficult ask, but a parameter nonetheless. It will give you structure for your life, and it will guide you in the direction most suitable for you to achieve that goal or see the realization of your vision.
The fourth, how much are you willing to sacrifice. This is important, because sacrifices come in many forms. You can sacrifice free time. Family time. Your health. Your fitness. Your financial stability. Every time you do something, you sacrifice the time and energy you could be devoting to doing something else. So every choice, every decision, and every pursuit has an opportunity cost. (Throwback to economics class) This is a valuable lesson and for someone with serious FOMO, it can be destructive. But utilized correctly, it can be the ultimate decider of how you spend your time, with who, and doing what. Do you want to work 80 hours a week or 40? Do you want to live near family or far away? At the beach or in the mountains? Do you mind giving up one or all of these things for a few years? A decade? What are you willing to sacrifice to fulfill your desires.
The final parameter; what are your priorities. This sounds like a compilation of the previous four, because it is. But we've arrived at a completed circle. You've defined an end goal, fleshed out the in between, and now you must settle on your priorities. These will be the driving force for how you choose to begin a career, what you choose to do throughout your professional and personal life, and how you choose to complete your own cycle. Priorities are a balancing act. For example, your social life may be really popping and the time you've been spending with friends is great, but you don't feel like you've seen your mom enough, or put in enough effort into other hobbies and maybe into work.
So you readjust. You correct the imbalance and continue on. But the prerequisite is having these priorities ironed out and solid.
When I reflect on the past 4 years and how I've come to realize my own goals and my own direction, this was the path I took. These were the parameters I followed. It may sound strange, to pick what you want to be by thinking about who you are and who you want to be, but the truth is, the two are the same. They're interchangeable. What you do day to day has a lot to do with where you work, but it has everything to do with your mindset. At the end of your life, you're not going to say "man I wished I had worked more," you'd probably say, man, I wished I'd spent more time doing ___. This should be the focus from the very start. Identifying this ___ and making it the focus of your professional and personal life.
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