Skip to main content

Weakness

In this moment, I believe I am weak. 
I'm unfit to claim fitness in this fitment I call my physique. 
And on this night, I cannot sleep. 
For in my dreams, Mal appears on repeat, with a dagger that cuts deep. 
Her message relayed without speech, "your progeny is unfit for my seed".
God, it's as if no time has passed since that week. 
And oh the events that would proceed, could make a bold man meek.
But whatever it is about this you may think, you're mistaken indeed.
This is a ballad on the balance of self-esteem, not a soliloquy about poor pitiful me.
An antidote obtainable with feats, like summiting a peak, without the oxygen to breathe.
Frankly, I'm commenting on the activity of viability and its accompanying mystique.
And like life is brief, and such is the simile, so to will I be, explicit in my speech,
Ironically, and luckily for me, there were thirteen givers of sanguis.
So I mustn't behave solipsistically but channel this vulnerability, once met with disbelief,
Into a sword that remains sheathed, wielded by a beast with the mission of peace,
A man that I would be proud to meet.






Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Just what is out there?

Just what is out there? Indeed, when we look up at the night sky we observe and are captivated by the distant specks of light that scatter the dark canvas. But what else is out there? And what even is "out there"? I talk of this natural progression of curiosity. The way our brains discover and ask, discover and ask again, and the cycle continues. We aren't satisfied. It seems the universe has an equal incline. Every time we think we've figured something out, about the going-on's of the cosmos, a new event or strange arrangement of matter appear within our reach, almost as if to say, "are you sure, you've got me pinned?" This is why I fell in love with astronomy, cosmology, and quantum physics. It is everything. It is nothing. One could spend a lifetime studying a singular conundrum such as a quasar, and die mostly ignorant. How daunting a task, and how beautiful. This essay is a dissemination of my thoughts on the subject of the cosmos. A humble ap...

To 2025

I recently stumbled across the written correspondence of Vincent Van Gogh and his younger brother Theo Van Gogh, which is well preserved apparently. I read numerous letters that Vincent wrote to Theo from the years 1880 to 1883. Ever since I first saw an exhibit of his work at the Biltmore in 2020, I've had a certain fascination with Van Gogh, particularly by the way his work became increasingly dark and disillusioned as his mental health declined over the course of his life. In reading the correspondence to his brother, which would have been intimate and honest, I feel a particular empathy and relatability to the busyness of his mind, which clearly caused him angst and separation from society and loved ones. He was brilliant and it was that brilliance which was both the cause of his legacy and his demise. Dostoevsky summarized this phenomenon in Crime and Punishment, "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men mus...

30 Years

Today is my 30th birthday. People have been asking me how does it feel to be 30? For young people, that's old. For old people, that's young. So which is it? And how should I feel to be 30? Like with most things, life is a mixed bag. And I feel the passage of time in a myriad of ways.  Physically, the years have indeed taken their toll. I have a tear in my right shoulder, an injury to my left peck, a partially torn quad. I have a cancer wound on my forehead, six scars on my abdomen, and some arthritic joints. These are the results of a life of intense exercise and unrelenting chronic illness. And yet, I set a personal record in a 10k race just two weeks ago and surpassed multiple strength goals this last year.  Mentally, I feel the growing exhaustion from 8 years of advanced programs in high school and college, and another 8 years working tirelessly in my career. In the evenings, my mind is fatigued. And yet, I am performing the best I ever have in many aspects of my life. I ca...