Who are you? Who am I? | Week 25

June | Post College and Change | Week 25 | 6/25/2023

Talk about settling in Charlotte and what life is like now

For 3 years I rehearsed in my head, the particular environment I would create, if I had the opportunity to do so. I envisioned The Setup - to be a single man in his mid 20's, the job I would get, the place I would live, what I would look like, who my friends would be, what my hobbies would be, how I would spend my time and money, and what things I would accomplish. For 3 years I honed in on that vision until finally a chance for me to make it reality. In April 2021, I landed the job; remote, in tech, opportunity for promotion. In May 2021 I landed the apartment; first floor with a stoop, on the light rail in Southend Charlotte. By September 2021, I'd garnered a friend group, I'd achieved a level of physical fitness that I was proud of, and I honed in on particular skillsets like chess, theology, and running. In October 2021, The Setup was complete. And a few days into the month I met a stunning young woman. It was just as I'd envisioned, create the life and then I'd attract the perfect woman. We're mammals after all; some animals create elaborate nests, some beautiful songs, and some intricate color designs. We're no different.

I always knew Charlotte was going to be a place in which I could create the ideal Setup. It's a well planned city, with a population of young people, 1 hour from my best friend, 2 hours from the mountains, 3 hours from the beach, 4 hours from my cabin and 6 hours from my family. It was filled with college grads from big schools like Duke, Clemson, UNC, and USC. There were fun bars, breweries, restaurants and hang out spots. And it was within my price range to get a great 1 bedroom apartment in the heart of it all. My goal - move there, make friends, meet my wife, settle down, decide what's next. When I met Taisse, less than 6 months after I moved, I thought everything was going according to plan. What ensued would be an even greater lesson, which would prove that I was correct about The Setup, but premature in my execution. 

Looking back on the last two years, 2021 and 2022, there's a few things I can recognize as having been challenges and lessons learned: [1] Being firm in who I was, what I want, and the potential I have, [2] finding balance in what I do and how I do it, and [3] understanding the joy of living.

[1] At the time I met Taisse I was on cloud nine that a beautiful woman would be interested in me. I'd been getting some attention from women in 2021, more so than I had in previous years, mostly due to my health getting better and allowing me to live a more normal life. But she stood out above the rest in her appearance and demeanor. This clouded my judgement. And what's more, my internal constitution, the solidity of my being and the confidence I possessed, were weak. I thought they were strong, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted, but I was quickly swept up in self-doubt. It took an entire year of chaos and another year of posthumous self reflection to figure it out. But as a result, I became firmly planted and my potential now appears unbounded. 

[2] Finding balance was challenging. The 5 F's - Friendship, Family, Fitness, Finance, Faith. 2022 was the year that I struggled honorably to find the balance, failing at every turn. I had created the "perfect" setup, gotten the "perfect" girl, and yet my life was thoroughly and disappointingly out of balance. That year taught me a lot, and now the balance I've achieved is real, tried and true. 

[3] If I'm honest with myself, in 2021 and 2022, I had a partial understanding of the joy of life, but I would find myself sucked into pessimism all too often - an emotional state which I'd become comfortable with in the last decade. It wasn't until I learned my lessons the hard way, towards the very end of the 2022, after the breakup, the self-doubt, the physical toll, and the disintegration of my confidence, that I begun rebuilding. The deadwood was thoroughly burned off. I began rebuilding with the joy of living at the center. 

I can confidently say, with more conviction than I've ever felt in my life, that I am living in the golden years. I possess a gratitude for life now which is unwavering, sustaining and satiating. Since the start of the year, I've been promoted again, achieved the coveted 5 year badge at Amazon, given a speech in front of 250 people, traveled to Japan, judged the Miss South Carolina competition and dated a dozen beautiful, smart, charming women. I have a network of friends, associates and colleagues in Charlotte. My relationships with my brothers, my parents and my friends are better than they've ever been. My physical fitness has reached new levels. My health is the most solid it's ever been. My writing ability has dramatically increased. And I feel more solid in who I am, what I want and where I'm going, than ever before. Opportunities continue to flow my way, and it is due to the Real Setup which I've created in my being and in my mind. 

I used to think that simply moving to Charlotte would allow me to create The Setup - that one bedroom apartment near the bars, having abs, having money in my bank, a good haircut and a fresh T shirt. I realize now that is just the surface. Don't get me wrong, I still love a new pair of Nike's. This year I've even bought a motorcycle. And nothing has changed on the fitness front - I workout every day. But now, I also go to Bible Study, I meditate on dilemmas both philosophical and practical, and I seek to enjoy every moment that the sun is shining and my health is good. This is the joy of living, and it is the bedrock of The Real Setup: a solidarity of character, a list of noble goals, and a network of people who love me. Whether I stay in Charlotte or leave, whether I meet my wife this year or not, whether my job falls through, my car breaks down, or my health fails me, I will be grateful for this time. It is said that we often don't know we're living in the golden years, only to wake up one day and realize they're gone. I'm well aware; they're here, they're happening now, I'm in them, and I can't wait to see what's next.