August | Travel and Experience | Week 32 | 8/13/2023
Traveling alone
Unlike the rigor of accompanied travel there is something about traveling alone which is often marked by serendipity - fortuitous, if one is Taoist in their approach. It is the duty of psychological individuation to spend time with oneself alone, in the quiet contemplation of introspection. This is accomplished most effectively in the lonely, regular, mundane nights, where duty to one's schedule is priority 1 of 1. It is also accomplished in the challenging moments spent alone, voluntary or otherwise: pushing oneself to run 10 miles with no extrinsic motivation, dealing with illness or loss alone, or simply getting through a week of letdowns, failures and setbacks, alone. There is a third way, one can truly individuate and it is context dependent - traveling alone.
My first solo travel was immediately after I graduated; a trip out West that I needed to take to reset my mind after years' long battles with love and illness. I set a rough agenda - two hikes, a rental car, a hotel, and an observatory. I beat my body up badly that week in order to allow my mind to cherish the topography instead of loathe my circumstances and misfortune. I learned a few things that trip. First, when I am adequately fatigued (sometimes dangerously so), my mind obeys. Second, I enjoy particular things that others may not, and those enjoyments can be savored alone. Third, experiencing novelty alone is activation energy for wisdom - finding out how you deal with problem solving and new emotional states, particularly elation and awe are crucial to understanding how you interact with the world.
2019 was a year of solitude, marked by the career path I'd be catapulted into. When I left Jacksonville, I spent the next year alone in Detroit and Seattle, February 2019 to February 2020. There were visits from friends and vacations but the vast majority of time was spent in one bedroom apartments, fulfillment centers and corporate offices with no one I knew very well but myself. In such circumstances, one learns to treat themselves as a friend, as someone they care for and care about. I created routines which embedded me in physical fitness, comfort food, music, good television and exploration. I spent week nights at the gym, Friday nights at my favorite pizza parlors and weekends seeing new cities and new sites. I took myself to dinner, treated myself to dessert, and paid for the occasional novelty or luxury. Although 2020 had a 4 month reprieve from solitude, it quickly resumed in the year I spent from May 2020 to May 2021 in Winston Salem, living alone, traveling alone once more.
I can recall business trips, paid for by Amazon, to places like Louisville, Seattle, Nashville and Austin in the last 5 years, each of which were opportunities for solo travel. I ate alone at nice restaurants, leaving my number with the occasional cute waitress. I booked a whiskey tour in Louisville, visited the F1 track in Austin, rented a car in Seattle, and spent the morning strolling through Nashville. All solo. Between driving through the mountains of the pacific northwest to hitting the casinos of Detroit I have spent the appropriate and necessary time traveling alone to regard my thoughts and opinions on the matter of having some authority, and my conclusion is as follows.
Traveling alone is not in and of itself the apex generator of all wisdom, but it is a lever we can pull to help generate new understandings. It is often regarded with a mystique of allure because of the individualistic society we find ourselves in, but I can tell you it is generally as mundane and regular as life not spent traveling alone for one reason; much of life is spent alone irregardless. However, proving to oneself that one is capable of engaging with ambiguity and strange new places alone is a very powerful source of confidence. Going one step further, if one can prove to oneself that life can be satiating and enjoyable alone, particularly in a place with inherent challenges and uncertainty, is a source of strength that is durative and stable. I would encourage everyone to live alone for a brief time, take a weekend trip alone occasionally, and maybe even book a solo trip doing what one loves the most, whatever that may be. But I would caution the pedestaling of this activity and urge a certain remembrance that you were brought into this world through the assistance of others, cared for by loved ones, cultivated in the presence of friends, and socialized by colleagues, coworkers and cohabitants. Life is better spent with others, but there is a yin to every yang.
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