Skip to main content

Who are you? Who am I? | Week 33

August | Travel and Experience | Week 33 | 8/20/2023
California

Like every kid born in America, I too am drawn to the grand cities of potential and promise - New York City, Miami, and Los Angeles. Vanity and wonder draw one in, and visiting for the first time, we can all appreciate the superposition of that moment. The first time I was in California I was in middle school on a family trip to San Francisco. At that time, in the mid 2000's, California was still the supercenter for dot com and not yet a relic of a once past boom. That meant the surrounding environment was still inviting and not yet hostile. Much changed in the following two decades, particularly during COVID. My first time back to California was January 2020 on the precipice of the death spiral of California. Given my particular political predisposition I was expecting the dichotomy I would soon observe but expecting only one side of the dichotomous emotional spectrum. I expected to witness the haves and the have-nots but only feel disappointed, uninterested and negativity with none of the positive emotion. That was short sighted. 

Getting off the plane in LAX I felt the cool California air I'd missed since 2008. Zach picked me and Daniel up and the rest was history. Perhaps it was the genuine novelty of our activities, perhaps it was the company I'd missed so dearly, whatever it was, I was hooked on LA, in a surprising twist of fate. House parties in Beverly Hills, sunsets on Sunset, mushrooms in Malibu, the whole thing was straight out of a movie and I had a very hard time letting it go. Since then I have been back many times, and it has become something of a second home for me. We've used LA as a base camp for trips to Hawaii, Yosemite, Japan and weekend music festivals. I have friends there now, houses I could stay at or visit, beach spots I know by heart, women who have taken a piece of my heart and others who've tried. 

It should be figured by now, that in this life, the things that we least expect to hold potential for us, lessons for us, are the very things which draw us in the most sometimes. Growth lies behind that which we fear, that which we loathe, and that which we dismiss. California is that for me. Driving up through the winding roads behind Beverly Hills to catch the sunset over the valley, grabbing coffee on a misty morning in Malibu, or taking the Pacific Coast Highway from Santa Monica to Santa Barbara, these activities have left an imprint on me, one which does not discount Skid Row, Gavin Newsom at the French Laundry and the death of the Comedy Store, but rather selects that which is positive and memorable to fill a piece of my conscious capacity. I will likely return to California for the foreseeable future, to a home away from home, for more positive and novel memories, for more growth and change, as that kid drawn to the grand cities of potential and promise. 








Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

To 2024

To 2024  *5:13 pm, Friday, December 20th, 2024* I'm still staring at my monitor, which is by far the brightest object in the surrounding area, as the sun has now set. I can see the whole city from my window, illuminated against the darkening sky. Admittedly, I take this view for granted sometimes, I know it's better than most. I haven't left my house in 3 days, desperately trying to close out items and stay above water with lengthy to-do lists, both work and personal. Frankly, this is not an unusual night in the last few months, but the last few days have been a scramble, as I attempt to step away from work over the coming holiday weeks. In years past, by this time in December I'm already in Florida for Christmas. But this year is different.  When I think about 2024 relative to years past, the word "busier" comes to mind. If I check with the 'weekend tracker' I've maintained for 5 years, the records would concur. I was busier. But where did my time...
Post a Comment
Read more

30 Years

Today is my 30th birthday. People have been asking me how does it feel to be 30? For young people, that's old. For old people, that's young. So which is it? And how should I feel to be 30? Like with most things, life is a mixed bag. And I feel the passage of time in a myriad of ways.  Physically, the years have indeed taken their toll. I have a tear in my right shoulder, an injury to my left peck, a partially torn quad. I have a cancer wound on my forehead, six scars on my abdomen, and some arthritic joints. These are the results of a life of intense exercise and unrelenting chronic illness. And yet, I set a personal record in a 10k race just two weeks ago and surpassed multiple strength goals this last year.  Mentally, I feel the growing exhaustion from 8 years of advanced programs in high school and college, and another 8 years working tirelessly in my career. In the evenings, my mind is fatigued. And yet, I am performing the best I ever have in many aspects of my life. I ca...
Post a Comment
Read more

To 2025

I recently stumbled across the written correspondence of Vincent Van Gogh and his younger brother Theo Van Gogh, which is well preserved apparently. I read numerous letters that Vincent wrote to Theo from the years 1880 to 1883. Ever since I first saw an exhibit of his work at the Biltmore in 2020, I've had a certain fascination with Van Gogh, particularly by the way his work became increasingly dark and disillusioned as his mental health declined over the course of his life. In reading the correspondence to his brother, which would have been intimate and honest, I feel a particular empathy and relatability to the busyness of his mind, which clearly caused him angst and separation from society and loved ones. He was brilliant and it was that brilliance which was both the cause of his legacy and his demise. Dostoevsky summarized this phenomenon in Crime and Punishment, "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men mus...
Post a Comment
Read more